swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
