I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
