youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
