just tell him i said nine months
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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