I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
