fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My balls are so social today.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
