FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
