am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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