Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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