It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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