what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
