she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
