it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
