And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
