We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
