Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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