someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
