i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
