If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
