have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
