the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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