Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
