I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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