woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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