so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
