my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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