You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I need a beard to bite.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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