if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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