I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
