I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
