She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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