I think my vagina is haunted
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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