seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
