things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
