Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
