Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
