I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
