'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I stole a fireplace last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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