they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
