Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
