There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
