last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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