it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
