You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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