I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
