I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
