So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
