When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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