Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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