that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
