Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
