Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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