I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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