her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
