Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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