What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
