wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
