I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
