my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
