My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
