you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
