I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
