so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
